eemae's Xanga

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 05:37:50 GMT

A friend sent me this picture he took, a poem written some time back by Dr Ng, kinda brought back some memories.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 13:26:58 GMT

Things just fall in place when you know who's the director of your stage play...
and let him direct..

Friday, September 28, 2007

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 05:58:54 GMT

This was what greeted me on my first day of work..

My heart leaped… (its not from astro..just in case some thinking that is like a welcome gift.. no is not!)

..flowers makes me smile...such a simple gestures to make someone smile...i don't have a favorite flower...whether it is a small little thing coming up from a pot or a huge vibrant, fragrant that someone has carefully decorated, i smile...

Many have been asking me how’s Astro been, I am sorry that I can’t say much yet, it’s only my first week, it’s really too early to say anything, just leaving all options open and taking baby steps to see what lies ahead – guess time will tell. For now, it’s adapting to new stuffs, longer time on the road, crazy colleagues, longer hours and most of all being in the astro family (have to constantly remind myself that I am now selling astro – biggest adjustment, so not use to it)

Right now I’m on this building top – which they call it the garden, the view stretches out ahead of me - new horizons, new environment, new things, am praying that God will be first in my life - above all else - in all that lies ahead; and i recall this statement Vicky Beeching made “may all other goals bow down to this journey of loving Him more”, somehow hearing that helps me keep my choices anchored.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 06:40:46 GMT

… Leaving Comfort Zone ..

Change is frightening. Change brings with it the unknown. It all requires risk, experimentation, learning, and adjusting. Sometimes we are forced to change; at times we choose to change. Experimenting new things in life can bring feelings of accomplishment, happiness, and satisfaction, but also brings with it fear of an unknown outcome and of failure or what if it’s was a wrong move?

So then how many times do we settle for the comfort of complacency as one day blends into the next and we spend time just wishing things were different? Are we going to wake up and wonder where all the time went and then end up regretting not doing certain things?

Fear binds us to our habits, and creates (sometimes a false sense) comfort in what is known, even if what is known is not what we want. Thus, as much as we dislike changes or taking risk, sometimes a bit of change is good.

So this is it, I have resigned and starting my new job next week *__*

Will be spending my last day in Singapore for the Outdoor Advertising Adwards 2007 followed by my farewell party with the head office @ Ministry of Sound.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 01:18:13 GMT

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

And if you should fall again
Get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up
Get back up again

Only Grace - Matthew West

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 03:00:32 GMT

Just for Fun?

When was the last time we did something completely frivolous for no other reason than to just have some fun? If we have to think too hard about it, it's probably been too long.

With the rush, the busy life, the hectic schedule, the responsibilities, doing for others, for our work, and just being an adult, when did we last do something for ourselves that was just for fun, and just for us? Something that perhaps allowed us to be a child for a little while.

Something that brought out another side of you. Something that might surprise people who know you well. Maybe just something really simple that brought a smile to your face, or joy to your heart or maybe to others also?

What ever happened to spontaneity and experiencing life? Everywhere I go, from the supermarket to office and sometimes even at home, people seem to be walking around in a robotic trance oblivious to their surroundings and unaware of anything beyond their schedule and what the next scheduled activity is. No one seems to live in or experience the present moment any more. I think lives are overscheduled; people don’t seem to be living anymore.

Having fun for no reason other than the pure enjoyment of the moment is a joyous part of living. What have you done for yourself lately that you really enjoy doing?

You might just learn something you never knew about yourself and sometimes you also might just find that you are smilling a little more =)

Who am I?

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:08:31 GMT

I couldn't resist but to journal some of the things I have been hearing and thinking about thanks to a meaningful (and hysterically funny) conversation with a dear friend and Sunday’s message.

Remember the question when you were a child, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Remember how easy we would just throw an answer. Some of us replied a doctor, or a fireman, or an astronaut, or a teacher, and for some, a good mother.

From a very early age our identity becomes intertwined with what we do, with the roles we play, the costume we wear. We take classes in math, science, art, music, history, computers, language, etc., and more often that not we end up furthering our interest by expanding into a career that spins off our interest and talents.

As children, we steer an educational system that never offers classes in self-awareness or love. I suppose it is assumed that self-development is to be left to the family and to any religious affiliation the family holds. School, however, for me, was my first full-time job. We learned about attendance, punctuality, completing work on time, following through on assignments, behaving, respecting authority, reward and punishment, and compensation in the form of grading. We learned a wide range of subjects and we learned to get along with other children. It all prepares us for life in the world of working and surviving and advancing. We are domesticated .

For our entire lives we have been taught that we are defined by our work, our roles, our ability to earn an income, and often find ourselves at a loss to recognize who we really are.

Many times when the work costume from one has been stripped away, they have no sense of self, of identity, and it often throws them into a period of crisis.

For some ladies, this occurs with the end of our career, or lost of a life partner, but more often seems to be related to the empty nest syndrome when all of their children are grown and their left to be on their own - loneliness.

It’s interesting as I think and realized that some of us have become attached to a certain role we play in our lives and unavoidably it sets us up for facing a crisis of identity.

Roles are easily ended or taken away suddenly, sometimes without our planning or consent, and where does it leave us if we have invested our entire identity in that role?

Recognition and definition of true self, our essence, our identity our core, and developing contentment in self will be found really when we first know who made us, finding security and our identity in Him – the man behind the creation. Like how we look at a masterpiece and always ask who did this?

I'm on a journey of taking off bit by bit the self that I was taught to put on and making space to slowly discover who I really am again.

"Predictable"

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 06:00:14 GMT

Some people’s life experiences are not always planned or arranged, it is like having this element of unpredictability or spontaneous moments or rather almost accidental - a good friend told me that I am like a book it’s title says: predictable.

This past two months it has indeed been a journey of the unknown, pleasant surprises (thanks yp for the little surprises which made my day, and ya to you for the the taboo fish!) and a couple of unpredictable moments. But oh well, I have come to learn that the best response to unpredictability is flexibility.

I'm feeling sort of cotton headed after getting no sleep last night. Wrestling with all the ‘should I’ and ‘should I not’. Not that I am having life changing decisions to make but yes to a certain extend, it’s frustrating.

There is something about the nighttime that brings out the nuances of pain in ways the activity of daytime can sometimes distract me from. The darkness itself is sort of like an envelope, and time in the darkest hours of the night seem to stand motionless; minutes seem to drag on and on. There isn't any way to escape it or walk around it. Inevitably, however, I am left with no choice but to ride out the wave, breathe in ways that bring at least something of a calm to the storm, and wait...wait for relief, wait for snatches of sleep, wait for the sun...the sun...and start the activity of the day, hoping for a clean slate and a better day to come, but no once again after all else fades we are left with the same old questions again.

As I sat at the dance hall with my memories, I can feel my body relaxing into the breathlessness and weightless sensation of my limbs, the sweat on my palms of my hands are growing colder, my body feels numb but relaxed, and a warm and peaceful contentedness envelops me. Whether memory is an accurate representation or not of whatever "really" happened in the past, the power to recall has a strong effect on present emotion, physical responses, thoughts, fears, decisions, biases, and judgments.

So what exactly am I recalling? The event or the feeling? Confused.

At the same time, I can't help but feel warmth of heart, a general contentment of heart and spirit. I see happiness everywhere, some sort of being free...spring is springing. I hear spring in the song of the birds, which sounds more energetic now compared to the past year. I see spring in the display of the flowers and green grass and blue skies. I smell spring in the polluted air. I feel spring in the warmth of the sun on my skin. Is it spring, I see life, maybe it’s renewal.

If only we really get spring here.. how nice.. dream on, mae!

My outlook is down, can’t do anything at work, guess that explains my long post.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 14:32:06 GMT

I am so thankful for the people God places at different junctions of my life to care and encourage me. It amazes me how they never grow weary of standing by me

Asked myslef few questions today, what are you still doing here
Keeping promises you never made and coping with our indifferences
Could it be, that you truly love me?
That's why sometimes I wonder to myslef

What are you still doing here
Why are you still loving me
Why do you still give me hope
How could you still be picking up the broken pieces of my heart
After all you've known about me

I had nearly lost my foothold
When I envied those who turn their backs on you
They had no struggles
And were free from the burdens common to me
And I thought in vain I've kept my heart pure
As I tried to comprehend all these
It became oppressive to me

Until I entered the sanctuary of God
Then I understood that as for me
It was good to be near you, O Lord
And I choose to make you my refuge
Most sovereign Lord

I guess I've got a lot to learn
Well, there's no comfort in running
But in my most desperate hour
You never fail to be my strength
No rain to water, no wind to sail
No light to pierce the dark
But then again, theres you..

Psalm 73

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 05:09:19 GMT

A nature inspired
calming getaway...
cradling my head
searching for that place
to breathe, just breathe..